The Theft of Idunn’s Apples

Loki leans back, juggling a golden apple in one hand. “Ah, now here’s a tale where I, umm! Let’s say, got a little too clever for my own good. And by ‘clever,’ I mean terribly, terribly unlucky.” He sighs dramatically.

“Mortals and their obsession with ‘facts.’ Honestly, where’s the fun in that?”

“But Loooki, cite your sources!”

“You see, the gods of Asgard? They aren’t the youthful, radiant warriors you imagine at least, not without a little help. That help came from Idunn, keeper of the golden apples of immortality. One bite, and poof! Wrinkles gone, back pain vanished, warrior strength restored! And guess who managed to lose them? That’s right me.”

Loki chuckles nervously, twirling the apple in his fingers. “It started with a little trip outside Asgard. I was wandering minding my own business when a rather unpleasant eagle swooped down and snatched me up like a rabbit. Now, eagles don’t normally kidnap tricksters, so this wasn’t just any bird. It was Thjazi, a jotunn with an appetite for trouble.

He dangled me over mountains, glaciers, and some very, very sharp rocks. ‘Fetch me Idunn and her apples,’ he said, ‘or I drop you.’ Now, I like falling but only when I choose to. So, being the practical sort, I agreed.”

Loki sighs. “I lured Idunn out of Asgard, whispering about even better apples beyond the walls. The poor thing followed, basket in hand… and boom! Thjazi snatched her away to his icy stronghold.”

He shakes his head. “Oh, the chaos that followed! The gods aged like spoiled milk. Odin’s beard turned grey, Thor groaned every time he stood up, and Freyja started complaining about wrinkles. Of course, they blamed me so unfair, right?” He grins. “They swore if I didn’t fix it, they’d make me suffer in ways even I hadn’t imagined.”

“So, I did what any responsible trickster would do I stole her back. I borrowed Freyja’s falcon cloak, flew to Thjazi’s hall, and transformed Idunn into a nut (yes, a nut). With her safely in my claws, I darted back to Asgard, but Thjazi wasn’t happy. He turned into an eagle and chased me fast but Odin saw him coming. The gods lit a massive fire at Asgard’s gates, and when Thjazi flew over it.” Loki claps his hands together, mimicking a sudden whoosh of flames. “Roasted eagle.”

Loki tosses the golden apple into the air and catches it. “And so, Idunn returned, the gods got their apples, and I, well; I almost got away with it.” He leans in, smirking. “But you see, the gods never really forget, do they?”

Loki tosses the golden apple into the air once more, grinning as it spins.

With a flick of his wrist, he tosses the apple higher only for it to slip through his fingers.

Plop!

The apple lands straight into the fire beside him. For a brief moment, Loki stares, wide-eyed, as the golden fruit sizzles and blackens in the flames.

He clears his throat, quickly sitting up and dusting off his hands. “Ahem. Well. Guess someone is going to be aging a little faster this year.” He chuckles nervously, glancing around as if making sure no angry gods are watching.

Then, with a sheepish grin, he leans in and whispers, “Let’s just keep that between us, shall we?”